minging

Once, Cookie even tried to get me to give it a go with Jez – can you believe the nerve of that? 'Why would I want to do that? He's minging.' 'Why not? It won't hurt. He never gets a shag.' 'No, Cookie. Bloody hell.' He hasn't got a clue. 'Wouldn't you be jealous?' 'No.' 'You're an idiot. Why do you think he never gets a shag?' 'Why?' 'Because he's minging!' 'So? I'm minging. We're all minging. None of us are exactly page three, are we, Billie?'

Cleaners are always prime suspects for office thefts but in my long experience it's nearly all employees, with a tiny remainder down to traditional burglary. My advice is to presume the Nike-clad cleaner innocent and take personal stuff home, especially minging sportswear.