Fondle-slab to be miniaturised, gain killer voice app ... Our secret reader poll in past weeks suggested that the likeliest names for the iPad would be the Fondle-Slab™ or iStroke™. In the event those predictions turned out to be wrong, but we feel that Steve Jobs may not overlook such marketing gold in future. It seems a racing cert that legions of Apple fans will enjoy full satisfaction from their fondle-slabs and pocket stroker devices for many years to come. ®

In life's gay morn, or youthfu' prime, / Ere fancy droops her wing, / Screed up your reed, for that's the time / For bards to rant and sing; …

This gentleman, we learn, kept a crayfish alive in a vase for two years, and found that during each year its exuvium was shed but once.

Coordinate term: strategic warning