Cannonballers will be banned from the swimming pool.

People are being warned not to approach the escaped prisoner.

The Hummersexual is a man so devoid of attractiveness, and so lacking in the trouser department that he only has a chance of getting laid by getting behind the wheel of the biggest, most ridiculously oversized and overpriced passenger vehicle money can buy

But you can't quote large chunks, and MSTing a story would seem to me to be across the line into infringement.