It is Boxing Day in a football ground, and all we can do is sprawl over the plastic, hurling instructions and vague encouragement.

Due to the sheer volume of guests, we had to have two sittings for the meal.

I must warn the Right Honourable gentleman, that if he persists in his refusal to comply with my order to withdraw [the words deliberately deceptive], I shall be compelled to name him.

[…] the approbative shouts of his half-intoxicated auditors filled his simple soul with delight and pride.