Once, Cookie even tried to get me to give it a go with Jez – can you believe the nerve of that? 'Why would I want to do that? He's minging.' 'Why not? It won't hurt. He never gets a shag.' 'No, Cookie. Bloody hell.' He hasn't got a clue. 'Wouldn't you be jealous?' 'No.' 'You're an idiot. Why do you think he never gets a shag?' 'Why?' 'Because he's minging!' 'So? I'm minging. We're all minging. None of us are exactly page three, are we, Billie?'