Here's a riddle: It's black, and white, and red all over. What is it?

For quotations using this term, see Citations:impugn.

'Oh, yuch,' Emily said, making a face at Charlotte. 'You got Bob in your pocket? I hate Bob.' Bob was a bug, a slow-moving black beetle as large as the last joint of Daddy's thumb, with faint blue markings on his carapace.

What would my life become if I stopped right now, in mid-shave, and walked off into the world bemoustached?