The kick in the privates must have hurt.

[…] I entered a bright, white room filled with librarylike rows of hulking, black racks of servers — the dedicated hardware that drives the Internet.

The bartender cuts his beer to save money and now it's all watery.

Let this train wreck burn more slowly / Kids are victims in this story / Drown our youth with useless warnings / Teenage rules, they're fucked and boring