He turned upon the cool shadows within, and amidst spots and blurs of colour regarded the giant child amidst that Rembrandtesque gloom […]

We should all know by now that hooker jokes are way passé and slut-shaming is wrong, but when tempers flare, a slut-shamey slur can occasionally pop out of one's mouth.

Capello mystifyingly left Ashley Young out despite a match-winning display in the Euro 2012 qualifier win in Wales in March and he only underlined the folly of the decision by emerging as substitute at half-time and striking a fine equaliser six minutes after coming on.

"Well, we've got you booked to spend the night at the training center's dorms, anyway. Why don't you check out how you like it, and we'll regroup in the morning to reassess where we stand. Okey-dokey, Smokey?”