Tom bought the rights to a plastic board that had a skateboard deck and skyhooks.

It was dead, and not that tunnelly deadness of an open line — that would've been the sound of angels singing in heaven compared to this...

With Wright anxious to reclaim his Everton place - presently occupied by the rock-solid Nigel Martyn - I suggest he takes counsel from Sue, Grabitt and Run, company motto: Safe Hands Always.

Lad-loupin molls an gadabouts, / fellow-fond an sly, / flappy-skets an drabble-tails / oo'll bleed a bloke bone-dry: […]