… Murasaki, who stood before me and with an expression of perfect joy said to me, 'Buddha and Heaven have taken pity on me; for the life on earth, life in Senland is vouchsafed me, a home in Horai is accorded me; in the forelife of the Princess, in the forelife of my lord, Yamabito, was the bond created that presaged their eternal wedlock, when they shall shake them …

They always have a big belly or a new babby hidden inside the shawl suckin on her diddy.

But it’s mainly a bad thing because it means tackling the snakepit behind our TV; the extension leads, HDMI cables and coaxials that I chucked together willy-nilly when we moved in because I apparently favour immediate access to Netflix over basic electrical safety.

When he tried to extract the liver, which should have been firm and meaty, it deliquesced into a bloody sludge, sliding goopily through his fingers.