Throughout the history of pogonology the owners of beards have made them the subject of much loving care.

In America alone, people spent $170 billion on “direct marketing”—junk mail of both the physical and electronic varieties—last year. Yet of those who received unsolicited adverts through the post, only 3% bought anything as a result. If the bumf arrived electronically, the take-up rate was 0.1%. And for online adverts the “conversion” into sales was a minuscule 0.01%.

Such a man is a Predicant, or minister; but a man of inferior fitness aud qualities is allowed to preach to blacks or low whites, and he is called a sendling, or missionary.

Let's carve him a dish fit for the gods