The whole piece […] seems […] a loose model and roughcast of what I design to do.

Briefs were given an opening in the front. The point of this opening (the ‘fly’) was to make it easier to pee with clothes on

Ooops, no, he can't use alcohol, either. That's produced by fermentation, which is studied and optimized by evil biologists and chemists, almost all of whom believe in evilution.

It befell in the days of Uther Pendragon, when he was king of all England, and so reigned, that there was a mighty duke in Cornwall that held war against him long time.