Let me tell you something, there ain't no cockblocker like a British cockblocker. Spent three months over there in the service and every night you'd have to wade through about fifty of them to talk to one of the local gals.

We shall be beaten into fits, for the child plays like an angel, as she does everything, and I am only a clumsy little imp, as you know.

He was after walking on the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday before, all the way from the County Limerick, where his brother, Father John, has a parish; and you may believe, the poor man was tired

Christmas queen Mary Berry's aubergine five-nut roast, from her Christmas Collection, is, as the name suggests, rather more focused on the nut side of things. Breadcrumbs play second fiddle to a medley of almonds, Brazils, chestnuts, pine nuts and pistachios which, although tangy with lemon juice and garlic, is outrageously dense. A single slice of this could leave you supine in front of the Queen's speech without even the wherewithal to reach for the remote control.