The chip smells like nothing, but tastes like a smörgåsbord that’s both confusing and arousing, like Steve Buscemi. Flecks of spring green – the kind generated from radioactive waste – coat the unwieldy triangles. The seasoning is a kaleidoscope of Day-Glo dust particles that perishes under saliva and tongue.

Why anyone still pays any heed to Muskian pricing pronouncements is beyond me.

The scentful osprey by the rock had fished.

Owing to its location at the entrance to the River Tyne, South Shields was of strategic importance in the Second World War, especially to the merchant navy, and the town was heavily hit by a Luftwaffe strike in October 1941.