I'm about to return the telephone to its cradle, and resume work on Candidate Two, when a middle-aged woman dressed in an eye-gougingly hideous neon orange floral print dress approaches my door.

At noon ſome noddies came ſo near to us, that one of them was caught by hand. This bird was about the ſize of a ſmall pigeon. I divided it, with its entrails, into 18 portions, and by a well-known method at ſea, of, Who ſhall have this? it was diſtributed, with the allowance of bread and water for dinner, and eat up bones and all, with ſalt water for ſauce.

Perhaps it is an oversight on Mr Macgregor’s part that he has left these young infants quite unprovided for, and that some of their mothers are in danger of starvation […]

Mail trains are limited to first and second class passengers, but on the mixed trains third class is also provided, and this is patronised exclusively by natives.