[…] the Fudge Palace with latticework around its front, an arch of it that must be walked under to get in, and with pink paper roses twisted in the latticework, and many rows of candy arranged in banks of globbiness in all the windows.

Three o'clock and nine o'clock would be at the outer right and outer left sides of the tree, respectively, and so on. The clock technique is a very helpful way for one bird watcher to direct others to a hard-to-spot perched bird.

Beck - who has the sort of rubbery, chucklesome face that should ideally be either a) cast as the goonish sidekick in a bad frat house sex comedy or b) painted on a toilet bowl so you could shit directly on to it - has become famous for crying live on air, indulging in paranoid conspiracy theorising, and labelling Obama a racist with a deep-seated hatred for white people or white culture.

Wade is pinning Fox's next hopes for talent-show success on Alter Ego, which sees contestants perform as avatars to a panel of judges including Grimes, Alanis Morrisette and TV singing competition stalwart will.i.am.